The Corner We Pee In

I got a call from two of Bennett’s teachers today. (I’m certainly on speed dial by now) It seems that he’s embarked on a pen rental scheme. That’s right, he’s taken the 20 pack of pens that he bought (with allowance money) at the dollar store, and decided to rent them out to his classmates. I’m not sure why a third grader needs a ball point pen, or how third graders even have money in their pockets, or — even more bizarre — why a third grader would want to spend that money to rent a crappy pen from the dollar store that has enough ink for 6 sentences. But he’s made some money (a dollar or so — covered the cost of the pens) and managed to find yet another way to piss off his teachers. Why do I get the feeling that years from now Inside Edition will be interviewing those teachers to explore the early days of Bennett’s criminal behavior? (I think I made matters worse when I told him that as part of my work I often helps kids in juvey; I think he’s counting on free legal advice.)

In other news, someone sent this my way recently, and when I read it I realized that I don’t think I’ve ever explained how I got the title of the blog. It’s no secret that bodily fluids and functions weigh heavily on my mind as a parent, and while having two boys who seem to relish spreading their fluids around has taxed me, it’s also given me quite a story to tell:

We were in the middle of a basement renovation. In the rubble of the remodel, I searched for some posters that had hung on the wall of the TV room. I asked the boys if they’d seen one in particular. One of them, and now I don’t remember whether it was B or E, said, “Oh, it’s in the corner we pee in.”

The what?

“You know, the corner we pee in when we’re watching TV and don’t want to get up and go to the bathroom.”  (The bathroom that is maybe 20 feet away, and from which you can crane your neck and still see the TV.)  Unable to tear themselves away from the box, it seems that my boys took to taking leaks in the corner to the left of the TV. And this wasn’t just any corner. In this corner lay all the wires from the TV and various other electronic items. They were peeing on a tangled mess of wires. Oh, and the carpet that lay underneath. Needless to say, we did a thorough disinfection of the area, but once in a while I’m certain that I still get a whiff…

3 Comments

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3 responses to “The Corner We Pee In

  1. this should definitely go in your “about” section. what a fabulous/horrifying story!

  2. jt

    don’t worry — in the 2nd grade i forged baseball player signatures on the fronts of cards and traded them for rice krispy snacks (almost got beat up for that one); in the 5th grade I copied software (games on floppy disks) and sold them (almost got suspended for that one). I turned out ok. (I think.)

  3. sj

    Reminds me of the Tina Fey piece where she describes her early days at SNL. They’ll fit right in with NBC execs. No worries. Definitely like the comment about this going in your “about” section. Hysterical.

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