I have spent my entire adult life ten minutes late for something. I cannot seem to reset my clock. I’m just always slightly behind.

Today was no exception.

With M out of town I am on the AM shift to school. I got all five kids out this morning, dropped four off at school, and took Sid for her two year checkup. On the way I met a friend for a quick coffee (actually, cocoa for Sid and green tea for me. I enjoy watching Seattleites squirm when I tell them I prefer the tea leaf to the holy bean.)

As usual, I misjudged how long it would take me to get to the pediatrician and the sadistic bitch who lives in my phone directed me to a building that was most definitely not the pediatrician’s new office. Sidney starts to moan and I frantically work my way through the morass that is downtown Seattle. She moans louder and I am perhaps too firm when I ask her to please shut the hell up while mummy drives. Because even though mummy is always always late, it still stresses her out.

But she cries louder and I pretend I am back in LA and start honking at slow drivers, which is just about every bloody car on the street here.

And now I’m 20 minutes late; double my usual.

I pull into the parking lot and turn around to tell Sid we have made it only to witness her throw up three gallons of cocoa.

She is the fifth child. I have no spare clothes for her. The kid is lucky if she gets a daily diaper change. So after I use the two dried-out baby wipes I have in the car to clean up, I take her up to the doctor. In nothing but a diaper. We are both whimpering and smell like puke.

And all I can think, when I show up with my naked baby, who has wiped vomit in her hair and mine is thank God – this is the perfect excuse. Nobody has to know I was late way before she puked, or that she likely puked because I was driving like a bank robber.

Because when you spend your life looking for excuses. You’ll take any one you can get. Even if its whining and crusted in vomit.


Filed under children, parenting, Seattle

3 responses to “Late

  1. Emily

    This is the story of my life (minus the barfing toddler). I sometimes think I was 10 minutes late for something when I was a child and never made it up, running behind ever since. 🙂

  2. lrgeller

    At least the minutes don’t accumulate. Then we’d really be screwed.

  3. Shevi fried

    This is ME!!!! (every day). Love love love ur blog!! Always makes me smile!

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