Do Cossacks Eat Cranberry Sauce?

When we moved from Venice, California to Seattle seven and a half years ago, I went into a panic about all the things I was certain I wouldn’t be able to buy up here in the wilds of Washington State.

By “all the things” I am referring to the two-gallon sized ziploc bags that I used to store the bread that M bakes. Ever diligent in my move preparations, I trekked over to Smart and Final (which up here we call Cash and Carry. Different name, same dodgy store) and bought 40 boxes of two-gallon sized ziploc bags. I am ashamed to say that we only used the last of the bags about six months ago. I am even more ashamed to say that when we did run out, I had no trouble finding more.

When it looked like we might be moving to London, and not New York (close! so close!) I made a list on my phone of all the things I was sure I wasn’t going to able to live without. First on the list? Pam cooking spray.

I know how interesting this makes me sound, really I do. I also had interesting things on there… I’m sure I did. But I deleted the list last month, and now I can’t remember any of them.

This time, I don’t think I’ll be doing the same. Mostly because even if I could ship three hundred pounds of wild salmon, I’m not sure where I would store it, and partly because there’s nothing else I can think of that I can’t get my hands on in the wilds of the Bronx.

Fear of running out is what led me to discover fifteen bags on frozen cranberries at the back of my freezer when I was cleaning out the kitchen this week. You see, even though one may WANT to make cranberry sauce year round, one can only FIND cranberries in the store around Thanksgiving (I am therefore certain they were on my London list; no Thanksgiving = no cranberries), at which point I go berserk and buy out the store.


The funny thing is that on the basis of all these items — plastic bags, Pam and cranberries — you’d think I was a prolific, possibly even accomplished cook. Nay. I am nothing more than an average cook who cooks out of complete and utter necessity. What I am is a disorganized, panicky shtetl dweller. I know the Cossacks are coming, and I know what I will want to take with me when I have to leave Anatevka in a hurry, but at any given moment I never know what’s in my pantry, not to mention my freezer, so I keep buying more of what I already have.

Hence the 600 plastics bags and 235 frozen cranberries.

Somewhere in my storage room are 60 cans of Pam. I’ll let you know when I find them.


Filed under moving, New York City, parenting, Seattle, Summer, Uncategorized

4 responses to “Do Cossacks Eat Cranberry Sauce?

  1. I am laughing to myself and wondering about other hoarding habits? I’m wondering if you have an emergency bunker for Y2K type events…I did. We called it the “Archie Bunker” and had a bunch if useful items. 13 years later and I think it is about time to go through those items.

    Ps I love those 2 gallon bags 🙂

  2. Oh yes, the ‘just in case’ store…

  3. Jan Simon - Bellevue WA

    Your blog keeps me smiling and laughing. No matter where you set up home, I will always follow your blog!!

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