Fasting.

English: Candy corn, specifically Brach's cand...

English: Candy corn, specifically Brach’s candy corn. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am, by all accounts, a miserable faster. I like to spend my days in a continual state of grazing. Cut off from my day-long snackfest, I become irritable, irascible, and downright impossible. This Yom Kippur was no exception. (I do think that candy corn are more medicine than food. Next year I shall be petitioning the powers that be to let me sneak a bagful in to synagogue.)

Starving is one thing. Starving in the presence of five children who are either asking you for food or fighting with each other, is a entirely different circle of hell. When I should have been contemplating my soul or all the ways I could be a more decent human being, I was slipping on a puddle of pee that nobody would own up to.

At some point I escaped to the bedroom and hid under the covers in a haze of hunger and anger. I think I drifted in and out of sleep, but it’s very possible that I spent a good hour hallucinating.

I was doing all right for a while. At first I dreamed I was a pastry chef. But then at some point I left the pastry shop and it suddenly dawned on me that I am now officially older than all the characters on Thirtysomething … and there was no candy corn on hand to help me get through the freakout.

Thirtysomething (TV series)

Thirtysomething (TV series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4 Comments

Filed under children, parenting, Uncategorized

4 responses to “Fasting.

  1. Funny! Laughed at the slipping on pee line – but felt sorry for you at the same time because it sucks cleaning up bodily fluids! I graze too – especially when I’m feeding my kids.

  2. My fav line was “starving is one thing, but starving in the presence of five children who are either begging for food or fighting is an entire different hell…” – that sounded like my day!
    It shocked me to see the sun going down yesterday and realizing that the rest of the world was davening as the gates were closing and having a very spiritual moment and here i was, sitting outside stopping fights and acting like it was just another day.

    • Your picture of candy corn makes me forget that it is on my only-consume-when-desperate list! The pic makes it look inviting 🙂

      I have never dreamt of being a pastry chef, but it seems cruel when fasting 🙂

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