Tooth Fairies Do Not Have Big Feet.

Frances lost a tooth today. She has gotten far less dramatic about it. There are no more fainting spells and cold compresses. Still, we were all waiting for that damned tooth to fall out so we could stop hearing about it.

Before she went to bed tonight she quickly scribbled a note, tucked it under her pillow, and said to me: “Here, read this when I’m asleep. Don’t forget the cash.”

Once she had fallen asleep I retrieved the note:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I want you to keep my tooth and give me a letter and I mean keep my tooth under my pillow and give me money.


Turns out, she wants to keep her tooth and cash out. Is that even allowed?

I have almost stopped pretending I’m not the Tooth Fairy, but I haven’t gone as far as admitting it yet. Here is what I wrote back:

Dear Frances,

What a lovely tooth! I’ll let you keep it because you asked so nicely. Your mouth smells terrific, and it looks like you’re doing a great job brushing. I do think the lower right side could use a bit more work. Please don’t listen to your brothers – your mother is most certainly NOT the Tooth Fairy. Everyone knows that fairies have small feet and your mother looks like she’s wearing skis.

Keep up the good brushing work and I’ll be back soon.

Yours in good dental health,


— I may not be the actual Tooth Fairy, but I am a pretty good imposter, big feet and all.


Filed under children, parenting, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Tooth Fairies Do Not Have Big Feet.

  1. Your are hysterical. I kind of want you to be my mom.

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