I really do know that it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round, but I am still taken aback when people fail to be charmed by me. There is a rather humorless woman sitting in my living room. She is currently tuning our piano. She does not find me funny at all. Usually people who do not find me funny are also related to me, but as far as I know, this woman is not a sibling of mine or even a cousin.
In general, I am working on being more open minded. Heck, I went and subscribed to the New York Post so the boys could have a decent sports section to read (I love you, New York Times, but your sports section reads like your business section; it shouldn’t.)
But the Post is evil, chock full of smutty news and smuttier pictures, and topped with a sleazy front page. It’s political bent is … well, let’s just say I think they have some angry Republicans on staff. (I said I was working on being open minded. I’m not quite there yet.)
One day, Efram wandered away from the sports pages and into the “news” section of the paper. (I have asked them to ignore the often tawdry front page and read the back of the paper only.) He looked up at me, completely baffled.
“Is Obama really doing a bad job?” he asked. “Because that’s what the newspaper says.”
“What? Let me see that!” Bennett grabbed the paper and gleefully scoured it for something he could use to get under my skin. He has already told me that when he grows up he’s going to move out and vote Republican. (As long as he promises to move out he can be Sarah Palin’s chief of staff. Ok, perhaps I’m getting a little carried away.)
I explained to the boys that the Post is to be read for sports, and nothing else… except Page Six, which I read in secret when nobody is home. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be able to identify two-thirds of the celebrities mentioned! I think I may have recognized them at some point, but I had to get rid of all my useless celebrity trivia to make room for the even more useless sports facts I am required to know in order to be taken seriously around here.
Did you know that Kevin Garnett has a seven feet, nine inch wingspan? I did.
That’s right. I went and opened my mind and let in a bunch of sleazy photographers, some angry Republicans and some freakishly long-armed basketball players.
Maybe it’s time to close it again.