There were many, many bananas. Now there this only one.
When two naturally competitive people get together, you don’t always get greatness. Often, you get petty. Often, things like THIS happen:
Me: You bought 4200 bananas. We will never eat these. Clearly there must be something wrong with you.
M: Watch me make this happen. I am right about everything.
It happened, people. In about three days.
It happened because not only did Snowmageddon have us house-bound and in perma-snack mode, but also (mostly) because any time a child muttered the word “hungry,” M would shove a banana at them. Sometimes, he’d sneak up behind them and shove the banana in their mouths before they’d even finish saying the word. Sometimes, he’d even shove it in unpeeled.
With each eaten banana, M would announce the BANANA TALLY. (I write this in caps because his announcement was often made at full volume, so all those present in the house could hear.)
Our cleaning woman was in the house yesterday. I looked at the pile of bananas, which was still daunting, and offered her a few: “Here, take some of these home with you.”
The sentence had barely left my mouth, when M yelled: THE BANANAS MUST BE EATEN IN THIS HOUSE! SHE CAN EAT AS MANY AS SHE LIKES, BUT THOSE EFFING BANANAS DON’T LEAVE!
Poor woman felt compelled to eat three on the spot.
The children have eaten so many bananas this week that nobody has pooped since Monday.
But here it is, THE VERY LAST ONE OF ALL: (I have promised M that I would save it for him)