Tony.

Here’s what I am not going to write about: How my kids behaved like complete ungrateful, insensitive animals on much of my birthday. I am also not writing about the absence of a single picture or card, let alone a cake. (Unless I count the kick ass cake given to me in the evening by my aunt and uncle after they had fed me several glasses of what they claimed was watered-down sangria. I remember little else.) I am also not writing about the Brussels sprouts fight in the car or about how SHE GOT MORE THAN ME or how SHE ALWAYS GETS MORE THAN ME.

By the way, this is all that is left of said cake:

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I capped off the day by watching the Tony Awards. From bed. It seems as though every award winner was wishing somebody or other a happy birthday. At some point I started to pretend it was for me.

I let the kids watch some of the musical highlights again tonight. Here is what I didn’t notice the first time around:

1. Apparently Alan Cumming has very substantial nipples. (As pointed about by at least three of the kids.)

2. It’s fun to pause the TV in the middle of an Idina Menzel song. She may have a beautiful voice, but she is one hell of an ugly singer. If you freeze her face midway, you get to watch her do an assortment of Lucifer impersonations. Frances came up with this game.

3. There are a lot of men kissing their husbands when they win Tony awards. According to one of my boys, this all became Kosher after it was first done by someone named Michael Sam.

4. The woman who is currently playing Glinda in Wicked on Broadway rose to real fame playing Lisa Heffenbacher on the Electric Company.

5. A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder (much deserved winner for best musical) is really a fancy version of Archie Comics — this can be said for any play with a scene in which the guy has to choose between a blonde and a rich brunette.

6. Aladdin looks awesome, but his chest is too hairy. So are Alan Cumming’s armpits. (That poor man could not win.)

7. Nothing was as awesome as the number from Rocky (ew) and it seems that everyone agreed that Harold Hill rolled in his grave when they tried to rap the Music Man, even if one of the boys had already heard that T.I. rapped at the Tonys. (Is THIS what they talk about at school or did he just read it in the Post?)

I am now being forced to sit through an ice hockey game, which I suppose is just desserts. I keep waiting for the players to break into musical song. If Rocky can do it, why can’t the Rangers?

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Filed under birthdays, Broadway, New York City, parenting, sports

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