Tag Archives: Dentist

Yes, It’s a Thing. 

Took three of the kids to the dentist last week for cleanings and checkups. It broke my heart when my ten year old girl had two (small) cavities. It broke my heart because she spends 45 minutes brushing and flossing twice a day. The heartbreak was especially acute because my twelve and fourteen year old boys once again had no cavities. 

I don’t know if my fourteen year old actually brushes his teeth, but I know that something is going on because on most days he smells like a combination of deodorant and mouthwash. As for my twelve year old, it’s less clear. He brushes his teeth at night if I remind him, but I know for a fact that he does not believe that brushing his teeth in the morning is “a thing.” How do I know this? 

Me: “Brush your teeth after breakfast.”

Him: “I don’t think that’s a thing.” 

Me: “What’s not a thing?” 

Him: “Brushing your teeth in the morning.” 

Yup, as far as he is concerned, the morning brushing falls into the same dodgy category as the daily shower, the winter coat and utensils. (I’ll take Things That Exist, But Not For Me, for 500 please, Alex.)

Hence my heartbreak as those two boys high-fived each other in the waiting room while Little Miss Dental Hygiene made an appointment for a follow up. 

The dentist assured me that dental chickens always come home to roost. I’m not so sure. I’m not paranoid or anything, really I’m not. But let’s just say that girls who work hard only to be bested by boys who wing it…. Let’s just say that THAT better not become a thing. 

Unless it already is.   

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Until this weekend my only (Jewish) New Year resolution was to do something about the pathetic state of affairs at our breakfast table. I can’t imagine there is anything nutritious about a box of processed cereal. It’s not that there aren’t other things I mean to do better, it’s just that I haven’t had much time to think of them. (I am also still working on last year’s resolutions. I have gotten rid of all my revolting, stained, stretched, misshapen pajamas, but haven’t managed to replace them with any sultrier.)

Now I can add to the list: avoid emergency dental visits. Tracking down an orthodontist in Hilton Head to make a retainer for Efram was one thing. (And each time a telemarketer calls the house asking for him because he’s signed up for another college course or a money-making scheme, I tell them that not only is he nine, but that he lost his blessed retainer one week after getting it.)

Over this weekend, which just so happened to be Rosh Hashana, Bennett decided to mix some jelly beans into a bowl of ice cream he was eating at someone’s house. He attacked that ice cream so voraciously that he went and cracked a tooth on a jellybean that had quickly frozen. I was, in my infinite knowledge of all things dental, certain that it was an adult tooth.

The dentist that we saw today, Sunday, assured me that it was not. As it was halfway out, she offered to pull it for him. Bennett, flatly refused, sure that somehow a needle was involved. She told him he had until Thursday to yank it out on his own, and then she’s going in.

The boys are a little disappointed that Riverdale is leafier than they’d imagined. “We thought we were moving to the city!” They cried. “This is the country!”

Yes, it’s all quite green, I told them. But I ran in Riverdale Park this morning and it smells like pee and skunk. I assure you, this is not the country.

Still, Bennett will not give up on his urban dream. As we were leaving the dentist’s office, he said to me: “If I crack an adult tooth next time, then can I have a gold one in its place?”

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Filed under children, moving, New York City, parenting, Rosh Hashana, Uncategorized