Tag Archives: packing

Everything Must Go (Or, why it pays to have a pogrom in your DNA.)

After months of waiting, crying in the building department, and all but offering myself up to the gods of Yonkers (because, surely there is more than one), we finally got our construction permit. Still, we weren’t starting anytime soon. Our contractor told us we’d have to wait a few weeks while he finished up the job he took when we got delayed.

And then, in a text, he told us he could start in 48 hours. (I’m trying to ignore the nagging feeling that this guy may not have been the best choice, but I’m keeping that to myself for now.)

Here’s what I learned:

1. It helps to have a pogrom (or three) in your DNA. Polish ancestry means one thing if you’re Jewish: You can pack in a flash, even when there aren’t Cossacks at the door. As I used my great-grandmother’s linen tablecloths to wrap my dishes (once the newspaper ran out), I had enough time to hum the entire score of Fiddler. Good times.

2. Jet lag is AWESOME when you have stuff to do! Turns out, keeping my watch on NY time during our trip may have kept me awake the entire time, but it didn’t ensure that I’d come home on local time. (Who knew?) So, I hopped out of bed at 3.45 AM and got cracking on packing the kitchen and tossing anything that does not bring me pleasure. (This was a good thing. Because M is no fan of throwing out anything and believes this whole de-cluttering movement is nothing more than an excuse to buy more shit, I usually have to toss things under cover of darkness.)

3. I was put on this earth to answer the question: How many glass jars can one person own?

4. I apparently also have a thing for egg cups.

5. M has a thing for free water bottles. The shittier the bottle, the more we have. If you happen to need one, there will be a box of them in front of our house as of 4AM. (shhh.)

I’ve been awake for over a week and I have miles to go.

If Marie Kondo calls, I’ll be throwing out egg cups.

Leave a comment

Filed under home improvement, Uncategorized

The Flying Pony ?

I’ve been less than productive in terms of blogging this month because we are days away from the bar mitzvah of our oldest child. The bar mitzvah involves a large family trip, the planning of which seems to be akin to the Normandy Invasion. 

Being a shitty planner means that not only can I not plan well (duh), but also that I cannot plan and do anything else at the same time.

You may be unsurprised to learn that I am a worse packer than a planner. On each trip at least one person arrives with no underwear, and if there is an item that we absolutely must remember to bring – yup, you guessed it.

The kids tried to help me pack, and by help I mean SHOVE STUFF IN MY CASES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF BRINGING.  The list can include such wonders as: 4 sticks of Axe deoderant (Really Sir. How many armpits do you have?), the entire Pinkalicious collection (which if you’ve been following, clearly jumped the shark at Goldilicious), a Peyton Manning lightswitch cover, enough Pirate Booty to sink a .. ship, and this: 

 

Each time I remove this cursed beast from my case, it finds its way back in. If you see a bright pink plastic Barbie pony falling from the sky, you’ll know it stowed away only to be discovered mid-flight. 

Don’t pity the pony; according to her owner, all Barbie ponies can fly.

Leave a comment

Filed under travel