On Wednesday of this week I hit the Wall, the Wall of exhaustion, hunger, dehydration, housework, meal-making, snack-making, fight-breaking, and sheer fedupness that is summer.
Unfortunately for me, I hit this Wall while in the car on the way to a place called Splashdown Beach.
The day was not going well. The heat had gotten to everyone’s heads, boredom seemed to have set in, school is rearing its head, and in general, there’s nothing like torturing a sibling to make all of the heat and angst go away.
A friend texted me that she was going to a water park that was an hour and ten minutes away. I, never one to fully read a text or email, only saw TEN MINUTES. Twenty minutes into the trip I realized my mistake. (I have to say I was particularly thankful that if I have to be driving it was not on the New Jersey freeways where it is perfectly normal to be cut off by enormous car carriers and 18 wheelers. I feel like I’m in a Transformers chase scene or a video game whenever I’m in the Garden State.)
Splashdown Beach is in a place called Fishkill. There is not much else to say about that.
While we were there I saw a man propose by the Splashdown Beach parrots. I am not kidding about this. There were flowers (a mixed bouquet, natch) and family members (all in bathing suits that couldn’t seem to decide if they were bikinis or full pieces) on hand. There was also crying, hugging, and a fair amount of mascara.
Where, I said to my friend R., does a couple go from here? What follows a proposal in front of the Splashdown Beach Parrots?
A wedding in Coney Island, she said. And not the good part.
There’s a good part? I asked.
No, she replied.
I lasted about two hours and had my fill. I don’t remember driving home, but when I walked in, I fell into bed and slept for 12 hours.
A few rules for next summer:
1. get more sleep.
2. don’t move.
3. if you are in the kitchen all day making snacks, make sure you eat more than the crumbs of their leftovers (half a fishstick and three peas is NOT a meal.)
4. avoid waterparks at the end of the summer when you are naturally running low on patience, compassion and tolerance for humanity.
5. teach the girls how to pee outside so you can once and for all avoid nasty public toilets.
6. bring a change of clothes for when they try to pee outside and pee all over themselves.
7. find the creators of Doc McStuffins and ask them to please stop.
8. don’t move. (I need to say that twice in case I forget.)