The good news is that this finally happened.
The bad news is that while I would like to say waiting for the seltzer to arrive brought out the best in me, it did not. I would also like to say that while waiting, I won the prize for most supportive wife, and most patient homeowner as M tinkered with washers and widgets and other parts which arrived in the mail in a slow trickle. Alas, I may or may not have thrown a small temper tantrum when we tried to use the seltzer machine and a flood of seltzer washed out from under the kitchen sink all over the brand new kitchen floor.
Still, he persisted. Well aware that I am not half the woman I think I am, I took myself upstairs and let everybody else deal with the bubbly mess while I lay under a blanket and breathed deeply.
When I woke up this morning, not at 3 AM, because I went back to sleep then, nor at 4:15 AM because ultimately I went back to sleep then too, but at six something when I was up for good, M called up to me, “want a glass of seltzer?”
Reader, I drank a glass. We are still working on the bubble size (I myself am of the school that the bubbles must be so large they should burn a hole on the inside of your mouth), but the seltzer tap is in. I am now soliciting recipes for the best egg creams. (By the way, that sentence just self corrected to best “best eye creams.” I don’t want to think about why that is because it makes my head hurt and my heart ache.)
Happy drinking!
This is the Corner We Pee In 
Lyla is BURNING with jealousy about the seltzer tap.
Sent from my iPhone
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She needs to come visit it after school.