I can’t call it a coincidence because I know better, but Bennett leaves for sleep-away camp in a couple of hours and I’ve been doubled over in stomach angst all day. We hiked this morning in honor of Father’s Day and although the girls complained at first, we had a great time. (I told them that Father’s Day is all about doing things you don’t necessarily want to do but you do anyway because your father spends all year watching Ella Enchanted and Tinkerbell: Secret of the Wings with you). At some point on the way home, the stomach pain became unbearable. It was then that I had the brilliant idea to take the boys to Target to do some last minute camp shopping. On a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes I don’t know why I am allowed to make any decisions at all.
I made it through Target, barely, but while driving home I start to cringe and moan.
“What’s wrong?” asks Bennett.
“Heartburn,” I say.
“Are you tired of taking chalky antacids for your heartburn?” asks Efram. God bless those ESPN commercials.
“Better not take your Viagra,” adds Bennett.
“What’s that for anyway?” asks Efram.
“What?!” I shout from the front seat.
“You can’t take Viagra if you have heartburn,” he says. “You also can’t take it if you..” and he begins to rattle off a list of medical conditions he cannot spell, much less define. (What was I just saying about those ESPN commercials?)
“I think I’m good,” I say.
And as I take deep breaths and figure out how not to crash the car and how I’m going to explain Viagra the next time they ask (because I know you only get one free pass with these questions before they grow suspicious), I realize that when they’re away I am really going to miss dodging bullets about erectile dysfunction.
I think there’s a pun somewhere in there.
This is the Corner We Pee In 